If I Smile and Don't Believe
by WrathWings
Summary: Sam and Cas bond after Dean takes off. Dean/Cas mentioned, possibly unrequited Sam/Cas, depends on how you take it.


Sam loves his brother. Not in the "fangirly, not quite brotherly" way, but in the "you're my brother and even though you're a dumbass, I love you anyway" sort of. . .way. But sometimes the younger Winchester just wants to blow his brother's brains out.

Last night, Castiel finally mustered up the courage to tell Dean that he loves him (which should be obvious; the angel fell from grace, helped them stop the apocalypse despite everyone being against him and then stayed on Earth afterwards). And what does Dean do?

He disappears.

Oh, he left a note that read something along the lines of "I'm an asshole and I need time to think about my feelings even though I already know I'm totally in love with you" (Sam might be paraphrasing), but Dean still left. Still abandoned the one person that dropped everything to save him time and time again. His brother really can be an asshole.

Anyway, now, Cas is depressed and alone and he keeps looking at him with those puppy dog eyes that Sam normally does so well.

"Come on." Sam tosses him a change of clothes, a combination of Dean's and some of his; the former angel just looks up at him, not saying a word.

"Where are we going?" Cas begins pulling off his trenchcoat and Sam turns.

Ever since the averted apocalypse, Castiel has been learning what it means to be human. He takes showers and eats and sleeps, but they've never gone out and bought him clothes. He usually wears whatever's clean/Dean's hand-me-downs, but the only thing that hasn't changed is that Cas knows nothing of boundaries.

"We're going out." He wants to do something nice for Cas because, -well because he likes to think they've become friends.

"Sam-" Cas starts, but the Winchester holds up one large hand.

"Don't, alright? Let me just make up for Dean being an asshole whatever way I can, okay?" The sound of shuffling clothes finally stops and Sam turns; he almost laughs at the picture Cas makes.

He's wearing one of Sam's shirts with a pair of Dean's jeans. The pants fit well enough, but the shirt is over-sized. He reminds Sam of a kid playing dress up with his parent's clothes. Sadly, that's all they have cleaned at this point.

However, it does ignite something in Sam, a sort of protectiveness that he knows will only grow with time.

"You ready to go?" Sam asks and Cas nods, pulling at the sleeves; they leave the motel room and walk down the street. They're in a crowded city so there's no shortage of time wasters and Sam knows Cas's curiosity will eventually take over. "Take your pick. What do you want to do first?"

"Sam, I appreciate your concern, but it isn't needed." Cas turns to face him, but whatever he's about to say next never comes; instead, those intense blue eyes are focused on something behind Sam.

The hunter looks over his shoulder and laughs. "Of course." The fair. "Let's go." Castiel fixes him with an expression befitting a child, one with joy and wonder, and together they make their way past the booths and throughout the maze of rides.

Cas is dragging him onto each of the rides, sampling all of the cuisine, and asking questions; Sam is only to happy to answer. Castiel's hand is locked firmly around his and the feeling in Sam's gut grows just a bit more. They stay at the fair for hours; the ex angel really enjoys cotton candy and a ride called "the Zipper".

They're ready to ride it for what seems like the fourteenth time when Cas suddenly disappears into the crowd.

"Cas!" Sam chases after him, at first only stepping around the mass of people, but then in his desperation, he begins to push his way through. He finally finds the smaller man right beside the petting zoo, looking dejected and alone. "What the hell, Cas?" He grabs his friend's arm and makes the ex angel face him, but something in his face makes Sam stop. "You okay?"

"I thought I saw Dean and-" Cas leans back against the fence with a sigh. "I know your brother does not care for me. But I still cannot help but act foolishly."

"You don't have to explain yourself to me, Cas." Sam rests a heavy hand on his shoulder. "People do crazy things when they're in love." He shrugs and makes himself comfortable next to the ex angel. "And believe me when I say, Dean is crazy about you."

"Then why did he leave?" Cas kicks at a pebble.

"Dean took off because feelings scare the shit out of him. He-well, we- have a lot of issues. The only people he ever cared about always seem to leave and he's just worried that you're going to leave too." Sam nudges him.

"How do I prove otherwise?" Around them, children are running and screaming; their parents carry streams of tickets with a smile.

"Don't leave him." Sam glances at his watch and stands. "Come on. We should be getting back."

Cas nods and follows, bumping arms with the younger Winchester. They make their way back to the hotel, stopping to grab some tacos on the way. The Impala is parked outside; Dean's returned and Cas seems a little more anxious than before.

"Sam." He's about to open the door when Castiel stops him. "I know that we have not had the best of relationships, but-"

"You don't have to say it-" Then, Cas is hugging him, the man's head not even making it to Sam's chin; Sam is startled, but after a moment, he wraps his arms around Cas's small frame with a smile. "I'll be here, Cas. Whenever you need me."

They part and the smaller man looks infinitely better; the door opens and Dean looks awkward, opening and closing his mouth as if the words are caught in his throat.

"Can we talk?" He finally asks, giving Cas a hopeful smile and of course, Cas nods; with one last glance at Sam, the two close the door behind them and the younger Winchester is left out in the cold with his hands in his pockets.

"Good night." He whispers at the door, his hand still warm from Cas's touch, and he briefly wonders if a city this large will have a bar open right now.

***

Sam comes back about three hours later to find Dean and Cas wrapped up in each other under the covers; the ex angel is asleep, but his brother is not. Clothes are cast aside on the floor and Sam's shirt is left abandoned on the desk lamp.

For some reason, the very sight of it makes Sam want to scream.

The two Winchesters lock eyes with each other.

"How was your day out with Cas?" There's something there: an accusation or a fear; Sam can't quite place it, but it makes him tired suddenly.

He pulls off his jacket and lays it over the back of the chair; he rests his hand on it, feels Dean's gaze on his back.

"If you hurt him, Dean,-" Sam can't continue, can't speak a new-found truth; if he looses it in the air, it might evaporate never to be found again.

"You'll what, Sam? You're my brother." The disbelief is evident in Dean's voice and Sam turns, locks eyes with his brother again.

"If you hurt him, Dean, I don't know who I'll choose." And it's gone, whispered in the dead of night, a truth murmured so quietly that even God has to lean it to catch it.

Dean doesn't respond for a moment; it's almost as if Sam's words don't register. But then he speaks and he chokes the words out. "I won't hurt him, Sam. I love him."

Sam turns and strips down to his boxers; he climbs under the covers and buries himself in the disease and germs that lie in the bed. Dean kills the light and the younger Winchester shuts his eyes against the darkness, praying that he'll never have to make the choice.


End file.
